Some men have an obsession with being profound. Ever notice that? The formality in their tone? Sure, they are often profound. But that’s not really sexy. I would hate to be profoundly unclothed. Find myself profoundly naked. I would hate to feature the weight of the world with the weight of a man on my body. And then this talk of China Africa relations. Why that’s not sexy at all. Of late, several occasions have forced me to consider such a thing; and I find myself feeling small and inarticulate. It’s not so much that I don’t know, but that I should have known. I should have known about the economic recession of 2008 or the geographic location of my judicial capital.
It’s just sometimes I’ll see something beautiful and it becomes my only concern; like a fruit fly in the company of these profound men, I’ll see a flock of birds take flight from the branches of an apple tree in winter, and I’ll imagine that its leaves are falling up. And of course, such a thing can’t come up in conversation. I can’t even mention it in bed. Instead I’ll scrape my mind for a subject of substance and hope that he wont probe deeper.
I’m not sure how I got involved with this guy. What happened was, he looked very good and the other people didn’t, and somewhere along the way I found there was a mind in there and I was flattered by his liking of me. I tell him, “I know a lot, but nothing that matters,” he reassures that “there are many ways to be wise.” And suddenly it matters a little less if I am a writer, and I am more concerned as to whether that’s profound. I’m wondering when I forgot to place my feet on the ground, or when I started hovering on this cloud.
That’s the thing with these men of certainty, they make you feel as though there is certainty on the ground. They’ll have you watching the news and coveting newspapers, and trying very hard to be profound. But then somewhere in the gaze you couldn’t hold, your tone, the little things; those things add up. Caused him to ask himself; when did all these feelings grow? or wonder if they are feelings at all, whether it is simply because you are beautiful, and if that’s all one needs to feel a certain way.